Maybe That's My Problem
by fraidy bat
Summary: Brooke and Rachel's relationship has changed drastically from how it was in the beginning. What changed their minds? These ficlets are my attempt to make sense of recent developments. There will be more. I can't help it. BrookeRachel, BrookeChase,
1. The Stolen Glance

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: These are little snippets I wrote about things that have happened in recent episodes of OTH. Basically, Rachel's behavior was driving me crazy, and the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone, so this is the result. I will be writing more of these as things progress on the show. This first one takes place kind of between "Songs to Live and Die By" and "Everything In Its Right Place." Kind of. Just read. :)

* * *

"So, Lucas and Peyton, huh? Can't say I'm surprised."

Brooke sighed. "Me either."

"Oh, please. Don't tell me you're still confused about Lucas," said Rachel, rolling her eyes as she brushed her hair. She glanced carefully at Brooke's reflection in the bathroom mirror, not wanting to miss her reaction.

"No, not confused, just…I don't know," she said, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "Maybe a little sad."

"Don't be. This is good—for both of you. Lucas is moving on, and so should you." Rachel smiled triumphantly at her own reflection.

Brooke put down her hairbrush and went back into the bedroom she and Rachel shared. Rachel followed, casually noting the way Brooke's tank top rode up in the back, revealing a slim section of smooth skin that Rachel perused until it disappeared again beneath Brooke's pajama bottoms. Flopping onto her bed, Brooke smiled at the redhead who was studying her from across the room.

"I was actually thinking about staying single for a little while, you know. Consider my options, take a break from relationship drama."

Rachel frowned slightly. "Sure. You need to center yourself or whatever. But that doesn't mean you can't have a little fun once in a while," she said, breaking into a sly grin.

"Ugh, I am _not_ doing the online dating service thing again, not after that ugly English teacher disaster which, by the way, I still blame you for," Brooke said, arching an irritated eyebrow at Rachel, who stopped leaning on the wall and sat down on her own bed facing Brooke.

Rachel leaned forward, mouth quirking up in a suggestive half smile. "Why bother with the Internet when you can have somebody you already know?"

"Like who? I've already exhausted every acceptable choice at school, and this town isn't exactly full of male models—except for the ones that also teach high school English classes, of course," Brooke said, exasperated.

The grin broke out on Rachel's face again. "Oh, I sure if you thought about it long enough, you could think of someone."

Brooke made an irritated noise. "I'm going to sleep now," she said, rolling her eyes, but Rachel could see she was trying not to smile.


	2. I Now Pronounce You

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: These are little snippets I wrote about things that have happened in recent episodes of OTH. Basically, Rachel's behavior was driving me crazy, and the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone, so this is the result. I will be writing more of these as things progress on the show. This next one is kind of after "Everything In Its Right Place."

* * *

Brooke was intensely annoyed that Chase sat behind her in class. She'd have to turn all the way around to look at him, and that would be a little too desperate-looking. Even so, nothing would stop her from daydreaming about him every single second. Smiling lazily, she rested her chin on her left hand, and felt something cold and metallic. Confused for a second, she looked at her hand. The Clean Teens virgin ring, or whatever it was. She only wore it for Chase's benefit.

It wasn't an ugly ring. It was just a little plain, but she could work with that. As long as it convinced Chase she was serious, it didn't matter if it brought her ensemble down a little bit. Rachel used to have one of these rings too, but she got rid of it when she quit Clean Teens. Brooke stifled a laugh at the memory of Rachel stripping off her shirt in front of all those virgins. It must have been real torture for many of them. The memory of how mad Rachel had been at Brooke for not leaving with her took some of the humor out of the scene, though. Brooke looked at her ring again. She couldn't help but smile at the picture she had in her mind of she and Rachel in those cat suits. And then finding themselves in the middle of the Clean Teens meeting was even funnier, but in a not that humorous kind of way.

Brooke figured it would just be the dumb t-shirt and a boring meeting about how to fight lustful feelings and be pure and all that pathetic bullshit, but then Shelly produced that blue velvet cushion with two rings on it, and Brooke had no choice but to go along. It was funny, but at the time, the sight of two rings on a pillow immediately reminded her of wedding rings. After all, Nathan and Haley had just gotten married again, sort of, so the subject was pretty near the surface of her mind. The parallel became even more oddly apparent when Shelly began to take both of them through an actual ceremony, complete with "now and forever" and "I now pronounce you." Brooke was too annoyed with having to become a Clean Teen to really give any thought to it in the moment, but now as she stared at her ring, the experience turned over in her mind.

Brooke got cold feet in the middle of the little ceremony, and Rachel, having already said "I do," convinced Brooke that this was the only way to avoid getting caught stealing the calculus test. It made sense, it really did. Brooke just loathed having to pretend to be a born-again virgin for god knows how long. It was insane and very surreal, being a Clean Teen.

But what was even more surreal was standing next to Rachel as they both put rings on and hearing her say "I do" in that stupid 'virgins for life' ceremony that was just enough like a wedding that Brooke couldn't help but think about marriage in the back of her mind. Thinking about it again now in the middle of class made Brooke feel odd in a tiny, hidden place deep in the recesses of her mind. Sure, they were making completely phony promises, but it was still strange to be making any kind of promise, now and forever, wearing a ring and standing next to Rachel Gattina.

Something the teacher said jolted Brooke out of her thoughts and tore her eyes away from the ring. She remembered she was thinking about Chase, and she threw herself wholeheartedly back into the fantasy she'd been having about him before the ring had distracted her, and she was relieved to be thinking about something that didn't seem so surreal or feel so strange.


	3. Drugs, The Bathroom, And Bevin

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: These are little snippets I wrote about things that have happened in recent episodes of OTH. Basically, Rachel's behavior was driving me crazy, and the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone, so this is the result. I will be writing more of these as things progress on the show. This drabble would take place after "Pictures of You."

* * *

"Maybe that's my problem."

The sound of her own voice in her head was so loud and clear, she was afraid for a second that she had actually said it out loud in the middle of study hall in the quiet library. The relief was only slight when she assured herself that she was just remembering something she'd said to Bevin in the bathroom the other day during that strange class assignment. She'd been telling a secret, and hers had been that she'd never felt anything with any of the guys she slept with, and even a new hot body didn't change that.

When Bevin had mentioned her curiosity about what it would be like to be a guy, the idea struck Rachel with unsettling speed.

"Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm into girls," she'd said. Her memory of that class was pretty hazy because of the how fucking high she was, but Rachel recalled every minute of that segment of the conversation. And she had definitely given the idea that maybe she'd never felt anything with guys because she was sleeping with the wrong sex some thought, or as much thought as the pot would allow. It was a short period of reflection though, as Bevin wasted no time in pulling Rachel into a quick and bizarre kiss that ended with an annoyed Rachel pushing Bevin away.

Rachel emphatically told Bevin that she hadn't felt anything from the kiss, and it was the truth. Bevin's amusing reasoning for why Rachel therefore wasn't into girls was that she was a good kisser, and Rachel would totally be into Bevin if she truly were attracted to girls. Rachel gave up trying to concentrate on the boring book she was reading in the too-quiet library and thought about how ready she'd been to latch onto Bevin's logic. Even though the experiment had occurred without Rachel's consent, it was comforting to see evidence and hear someone else's conclusion that Rachel was just screwed up, and not a lesbian after all. She had been so relieved.

And yet…despite the marijuana haze, the instant she'd said out loud in front of another person that it was possible she was into girls, it felt like an epiphany. Kissing Bevin was an excellent distraction from the unsettling feel of it all, but sitting alone now in the library, Rachel recognized the flaws in Bevin's assertion that she couldn't be into girls. Rachel liked Bevin; she was fun to have around because of the hilariously nonsensical things that sometimes came out of her mouth. But she didn't _like_ Bevin, and never had. She was sure of that. She had no desire to see the girl naked or anything like that, and all she'd really felt while kissing her was annoyed, surprised, and just the tiniest bit amused thinking about how Skills would react if he saw his girlfriend kissing another girl. So, nothing going on there, but Rachel couldn't help but wonder if the same would be true about all females, or if it was just Bevin.

Wondering about that made Rachel uncomfortable, and it was an out of place sensation. She wasn't used to feeling the least bit uncomfortable about all things sexual, and this was unfamiliar territory. She supposed it wouldn't be so terrible if she really did like girls, but then again…it would depend on which girl Rachel liked. She opened the boring book again because she was tired of thinking about this, and besides, she really didn't want to get into the subject of who she might possibly have wanted to be kissing instead of Bevin.

"Fuck," she whispered in frustration, shutting her eyes and letting the book fall shut. "That's not what's wrong with me. I'm not into girls," she muttered almost inaudibly to herself. "No. Not."


	4. Guilty

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: These are little snippets I wrote about things that have happened in recent episodes of OTH. Basically, Rachel's behavior was driving me crazy, and the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone, so this is the result. I will be writing more of these as things progress on the show. This tiny thing would take place right after Rachel leaves the party in "Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers." It's short, but that was all that the plot bunny demanded. :)

* * *

Brooke was completely floored. She couldn't believe Rachel had switched their calculus tests. Why would she do something like that?

"Because you're my friend," Rachel said, looking into Brooke's eyes.

Intense feeling swelled up inside Brooke, but it was so strong that she couldn't really even identify it. She just felt…something, like she wanted to cry but couldn't. There didn't seem to be words for it. Along with this feeling came terrible, crushing guilt. Rachel was probably going to be expelled, and all for because Brooke didn't tell the truth.

When Rachel left the party that night, she was sad in a way that Brooke had never seen before, and it worried her in a way she never expected to be possible when it came to Rachel. It was crazy to think that they had started out hating each other so much that they could barely speak, and now Rachel had made such a sacrifice, and for her. For Brooke.

Chase was there, helping her feel better, and the party was still going on, but Brooke never stopped thinking about the look in Rachel's eyes when she'd said "See you at home," and walked away.


	5. Just One

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: These are little snippets I wrote about things that have happened in recent episodes of OTH. Basically, Rachel's behavior was driving me crazy, and the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone, so this is the result. I will be writing more of these as things progress on the show. This little drabble would also take place after Rachel leaves the party in "Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers." As soon as I see the next episode, there might be more of these silly things. :)

* * *

She'd be leaving soon, she knew that. Another box, another high school, another life left behind. This was how it had always been. The only difference now was the reason she'd be leaving. Sometimes, she could hardly believe herself for switching those tests. She'd basically signed her own death warrant when she wrote her name on Brooke's failing calculus test, and she was shocked.

She went into the bathroom to brush out her damp hair. It was still a little wet from the drink Haley had thrown in her face. Rachel had been pissed, but she knew she deserved it even if Haley was slightly mistaken about who stole the test and cheated. Rachel sighed. She was basically responsible anyway. At least this way it was only one person getting doused and bitch slapped instead of two. Brooke wouldn't have to go through this, and she could take advantage of Victoria's Secret's offer. She deserved that chance, and Rachel hoped she'd given it to her by taking all the blame for cheating.

She stopped brushing her hair and just looked at herself for a moment. She wondered when this had happened, and how. There used to be nothing but competitive, violent antagonism between them, and now they slept in the same room almost every night, brushed their teeth in the same bathroom, walked around in their underwear in front of each other, stole tests together, and almost all the angry friction was gone. Somehow, Brooke had become the most important person in Rachel's life. Tonight, she'd told Brooke she did all this because Brooke was her friend, and that was true, but as Rachel watched her own eyes fill with frustrated tears, she realized it was more than that. Stealing glances at Brooke when she changed clothes, purposefully standing closer to her and touching her when she could, discouraging her from getting back with Lucas or regretting leaving him, sabotaging Brooke's relationship with the hot teacher, taking the heat for the cheating—it all meant something.

Bevin and the conversation in the girls' bathroom flashed through her mind. The high-induced realization that maybe she had trouble with guys because she was actually into girls was right there, burning inside her and all over everywhere else. It was a like a neon sign somewhere in the room, buzzing incessantly and filling every corner with its garish light. Tears spilled over onto her cheeks, and suddenly she understood all of it. The changes in her life, her relationship with Brooke. It was all there.

"I'm not into girls," she whispered to no one at all, staring at her anguished reflection in the mirror. "I'm into…girl. Just one."


	6. Sleep

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: Rachel really is going to drive me out of my mind. This would hypothetically take place in the middle of "Prom Night at Hater High."

* * *

It's dark, and you don't even need to look at the clock by your bed to know that it's late. You wonder what happened at the prom and what people are doing right now. You could have gone; the flight was delayed until the morning, so you got to stay here a little longer. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Not when you had no date and no desire to see the scowls of disapproval from administrators who just expelled you—not to mention the fact that you didn't want to see her, not in that dress, not ever.

You know that isn't true, though. It's like ripping a Band-aid off. You want to do it fast, get the pain overwith. It made you angry to know that the fucking plane wouldn't be taking you away from all this—from her—until tomorrow. She told you today that Chase didn't want to see her anymore, and that she no longer had a date for the prom, and you had the fleeting desire to ask her to go with you. You wanted to go with her, and the _want_ fluttered in your chest like some butterfly had gotten trapped there instead. But you told her you got expelled instead of asking her to go to the prom with you. And that was that.

So she went. You left the house on purpose, not wanting to hang around and watch. You came home eventually, watched a little TV, and fell unhappily into bed. Your eyes have been closed for hours, but you haven't slept. You're waiting for her to come home, and you hate that you are, but the sleep just won't come, and you're tired of being mad at yourself for it. She'll come in, get ready for bed, and go to sleep. You won't talk, won't even see each other in the dark room. Or she won't come home at all. You wouldn't put it past her to stay out all night, especially on prom night, but you hope you'll turn out to be wrong about that.

It's much later now, and you're still awake, but starting to seriously think about taking something just to knock yourself out—and then you hear the front door open and close. Footsteps, high heels on hardwood, the faint rustle of fabric, the maddeningly familiar smell of that perfume she always wears, and she's in the room with you. She's quiet, and you assume it's because she thinks you're asleep. You fight not to roll over and look at her, even in the dark. You want to say something, hear her voice one more time before you get on a plane and disappear forever, but you know that would be stupid. It would just hurt too fucking much, and you can't take that now. You squeeze your eyes shut and remind yourself to breathe.

You hear the soft sound of shoes being carefully removed, and the faint thump of a prom dress hitting the floor. It seems like she's too tired to care about pajamas or washing her face or anything else, and she'll probably just collapse into bed and pass out. You're relieved. It's better this way, much better.

Then you feel the covers on your bed being slowly pulled back, and your heart jumps straight into your throat as you feel her small, warm body slide into bed with you. You lie on your side with your back to her, and when she shifts closer so she's practically spooning you, you expect your heart to simply stop beating altogether. You feel her warm breath on the back of your neck, and you start to tremble a little when she gently lays a hand on your stomach, subtly pulling you and her closer together. You're terrified and exhilarated—and heartbroken. You've never felt like this in the close, intimate physical presence of another person, and none of it will matter tomorrow. She might not even know you're awake, and all of this could be meaningless anyway.

There is a break in her steady breathing, and you think you hear her whisper something, but she's so quiet that you can't make it out. You will her to say it again, louder so you can understand. She must be reading your mind.

"Don't go," she whispers against the bare skin of your shoulder. "Please don't go."

She has to know you're awake by now since you're shaking so badly that there's no way she wouldn't feel it. She can probably feel how fast your heart is beating, too; she's pressed close enough to you. Even so, you don't move, don't say anything. You don't trust yourself not to say something bitchy or stupid, the way you always do with her. Just so you can push her away. Not this time, you decide. You'll keep your mouth shut and your body still, and maybe you won't ruin this moment with her.

"Stay," she breathes, so quietly now that you barely hear her. She wraps a smooth, bare leg around one of yours, like she's settling in for the night, and your heart pounds so hard that it hurts.

She doesn't talk again, and her breathing becomes more regular. You match your breathing to hers and take enough of a chance to lay your arm on top of the one of hers that's around your waist. You ignore the gnawing sadness that reminds you this won't mean anything when you're gone and try to just feel her with you, warm and soft. You close your eyes, feeling the pull of sleep for the first time tonight. You're both drifting off, slipping away into peaceful darkness together, when—

_THUNK._

Rachel sat up abruptly, and she was painfully awake and aware of how alone she was in her bed. Her large, half-filled suitcase had fallen off the edge of the bed and hit the floor. The noise had wrenched her from the twenty minute power nap that had become a forty-five minute accidental pause in packing. She felt groggy and stupid, and she looked down at the spot next to her on the bed, placing her hand where Brooke had just been. It was empty, and always had been.

It was late afternoon, and the prom hadn't happened yet. Her flight was tonight, and she had fallen asleep in the middle of packing. She angrily tried to erase the dream from her mind and flush all those feelings from her heart. She was still leaving, and Brooke was still going to the prom without her. She still had to say goodbye, and she refused to be this fucking out of control when the time came. The dream was the last thing she needed right now.

She heaved the fallen suitcase back onto the bed and started trying to put things back into it again. She stopped in the middle of folding a pair of jeans and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes as she struggled to get a grip.

This was not how she wanted to feel when she saw Brooke again. Again, and for the last time. She sighed, and the sound resounded in the empty room. She forced her attention back to the suitcase, and far away from her now-empty bed.


	7. You Wanted Her To

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: When is the next new episode? cries This would again hypothetically take place in the middle of "Prom Night at Hater High." More toward the end, I guess.

* * *

Except for having "WHORE" painted on her dress and being here with Mouth—not that she didn't love Mouth, but she didn't _love_ Mouth—the prom wasn't all that bad so far. Still no sign of Lucas or Peyton, but she wasn't in any particular hurry to see them. She was having a fairly good time, and the DJ wasn't awful. The only thing missing—correction, the only _person_ missing—was Rachel. She wouldn't be on the plane yet, so Brooke took a picture of herself and Mouth and sent it with a message to Rachel: "Missing you already."

And it was true. More true than Brooke had expected. She could describe their goodbye as awkward because of how bad they both were at really expressing themselves. But then, it was actually kind of perfect. They said things that meant something, real things, but they still didn't truly say what either of them really felt. Some playful name-calling ("cheating whore," "crazy bitch"), and that was it. It was the perfect way to allow a few sentiments in and a few out without really taking down the walls.

Tonight, with music blaring and people dancing and laughing, some of Brooke was thinking about Chase and how disappointed she was to have lost him before they could even really get anywhere, some was struggling madly with the Peyton thing and the "WHORE" on her dress, some was incredibly relieved to be here with Mouth and having a decent time, and the rest of her was thinking about Rachel. And deep within the portion of her mind that was with Rachel in the airport was a quiet, anxious little voice that whispered things to her that she really couldn't hear most of the time. It was only sometimes that she caught the words and understood them.

_You wish she had. You wanted her to. Oh _god_, you wanted her to._

She had already been out the door, leaving. Brooke had felt all at once a painful stabbing inside. It seemed that the last thing she wanted in the world was for Rachel to be gone. She barely believed that was possible, but there it was. Then she remembered how it felt when Rachel reappeared in the doorway, dropped her bag, and hurried over to put her arms around Brooke. It was a great relief to finally drop some of the defenses and just…be close for once, like real friends do. She could have laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all, too. She was hugging the girl she used to despise, and on top of that, this girl had somehow become the best friend she had left in the world. And she was leaving.

And then it _hurt_.

At the point when Rachel pulled back, hands on Brooke's arms as though she were holding her at arm's length, it seemed to Brooke that it was significant. She ignored the noise and clamor of the prom to recall how, with the smallest burst of anxiety, she had thought for a split second that she recognized the look in Rachel's eyes. It was only there for just a moment, hiding somewhere in those guarded eyes, but Brooke _knew_ that look.

Rachel let go of her with a small, unhappy smile, picked up her bag, and walked out for good. Brooke had been left to try to sort out all the swirling feelings messing her up inside: Peyton, Chase, Mouth, prom, Nathan, Clean Teens, Haley, cheating, the dress—and what she recognized in Rachel's eyes for an instant so small and fleeting that she hoped she'd imagined it.

She tried to put all the sadness and confusion out of her mind after that, tried to take Rachel's advice and think about how in God's name she was going to work things out with Peyton, worry about going to prom or not, but it didn't take long for understanding to smack her in the head like a ton of bricks. The way Rachel looked at her in that moment after their goodbye embrace was the same way that Lucas used to look at her after they'd had a difficult discussion or a little fight. Lucas looked at her that way when he wanted to kiss her, but wasn't sure it was the best idea. Brooke knew this because Lucas had told her so once before, and usually ended up kissing her anyway.

That's the way Rachel had looked at Brooke. It was there, and then it was gone, just as Rachel was now also gone. Brooke had fought off these tiny, nagging thoughts as she'd gotten ready for the prom, seeing as Peyton had surprised her by returning her dress. She reasoned that it didn't need to matter at all that Rachel might have wanted to kiss Brooke; no actual kissing occurred, and maybe it really was just Brooke's imagination. Finally, she rationalized the annoying, anxious thoughts into the small corner of her mind that they now occupied while she was here at the prom.

Here at the prom, and thinking about Rachel anyway. Mouth pulled her toward the dance floor, and she couldn't help but think about the moment earlier in the day when things might have happened, imaginary, nonexistent things that both scared and strangely excited her. As she forcibly dragged herself back into the here and now of the prom, what worried her most was that whispering inner voice that refused to stay quiet all the time. It always said the same thing, and she always tried not to listen.

_You wanted her to kiss you. You wanted her to._

She heard it now, even with the music and loud voices. So she told it once more to shut the hell up, and hoped maybe this time it was gone.

Gone. Like Rachel.


	8. Keep The Shoes

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: Well, I wasn't going to do this because I've been trying to follow canon so far, but I couldn't help myself. So I guess this would take place right after "Prom Night at Hater High." Sigh. Sorry if it sucks.

* * *

Rachel stared at Brooke's face, bright with her smile and slightly flushed. The more Rachel looked right at her, the more Brooke blushed. Rachel couldn't help but smile.

"Mouth and I have been having a pretty good time, and even though Chase is here and won't talk to me, I haven't thought about him as much as I was afraid I would. And Peyton gave me back my dress, but she painted 'whore' on it in invisible paint that only shows up when I walk through a black light, so I've been avoiding those. But that means she still cares enough about me to be mean, right? She and Lucas aren't even here yet—"

"Can you shut up long enough for me to say something?"

Brooke stopped and smirked, but the jaunty, perhaps even flirty smile on Rachel's face took any real annoyance out of her expression.

"What?" Brooke prompted, waiting for Rachel to start talking. She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped one finger with mock impatience.

Rachel opened her mouth, but couldn't begin. She grinned and looked away from Brooke before trying again. Stepping closer to Brooke, the flirty smile played once more about the corners of her mouth, but the slight blush now creeping into Rachel's cheeks made it clear that she wasn't as confident as she seemed.

"I got your message at the airport. I was about to go through security, too. But when I saw the picture of you and Mouth—" She stopped to look Brooke over. "And you in this dress…I knew I had to come back."

Brooke smiled, shaking her head. "Not that I'm not thrilled you're here, but why did you come back? You'll miss your flight, and your parents…"

Rachel shook her head, tossing her hair around her shoulders. She focused on something just over Brooke's left shoulder, biting her lower lip a little. "Doesn't matter. They won't even notice. Besides, I had to come back. I…forgot something."

"What? The shoes I like so much? Because those you might not get back," Brooke said with a playful raise of her eyebrows.

Rachel smiled a little, but her eyes remained serious, almost sad. The humor faded slowly from Brooke's face as she noticed how much heavier the air around them seemed to get.

"Rachel, what's wrong?" Brooke said, touching Rachel's arm and gently pushing her away from the crowds and loud music.

"Nothing," Rachel replied, and the smile reached her eyes this time. She held Brooke's gaze for a few seconds. "I just couldn't leave without doing something first."

"What?" Brooke demanded in exasperation, but the return to a lighter mood brought the laughter back into her tone.

Rachel slowly and deliberately moved in very close to Brooke. She began to lean forward, but hesitated with only inches between them, as though giving Brooke opportunity to back away, run, stop this. Brooke was absolutely motionless, and seemed to have stopped breathing. She searched Rachel's face for explanation, reassurance, her eyes moving rapidly until they finally came to rest on Rachel's mouth.

The large room was dark, loud, in constant movement, but the two girls were suddenly in a place by themselves as Rachel brushed a fingertip over Brooke's cheek and carefully touched her lips to Brooke's in a slow, almost shy kiss. Rachel let one hand settle on Brooke's delicate collarbone, and just as Brooke began to respond in the smallest, most tentative way, kissing back a little, reaching for Rachel's waist, Rachel pulled away. She grinned happily at the speechless Brooke, stepping back to put distance between them.

"I've gotta go. See you when I see you?" Rachel said, smiling and still moving away. "And you can keep the shoes. You look way hotter in them than I ever did anyway."

And then she turned and left the dance, and a still dumbstruck Brooke watched her go.


	9. Everything

Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Brooke/Rachel, Brooke/Chase, unavoidable Rachel/Bevin, implied Lucas/Peyton

Summary: Rachel and Brooke's relationship has changed drastically in the last several months. What's really going on there?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from "One Tree Hill." None of it belongs to me.

Notes: I knew I would find my way back to this story eventually. To hell with canon. This is more fun for everyone, myself included. So there.

She'd wanted to love Cooper. She'd wanted to love him very badly, so much that she went so far as to lie and say she was pregnant. It was stupid, she knew that, but then almost everything she did where Cooper was concerned was stupid. She knew she was partially responsible for the bridge accident, the same way everyone else in Tree Hill knew it.

She pressed her hands against her eyes and slid further down into the couch. Everything she'd done starting from the second she set foot in Tree Hill so many months ago had been a big fucking mistake, and the desire to run _away_, leave every single moment of it behind, was painful. Her parents didn't need her; they might even like it better if she never met up with them. Rachel kept her eyes closed and watched the flickering light of the muted television play on her eyelids. She wanted to get on a plane and _go_, anywhere. There was nothing left for her here anyway.

"I'm getting the hell out of here," she whispered to herself. Her packed luggage was still waiting by the front door, and even though she didn't like the idea, she decided to catch the morning flight to catch up with her parents. It was better than staying in Tree Hill.

She clenched her fists and had to stifle the urge to scream as loud as she could. How could she have been so stupid? Crash the prom and kiss Brooke like that? And in front of the whole school? In her better moments, she reminded herself that Brooke hadn't pushed her away, that she'd even kissed back a little, but those moments got lost quickly. She knew Brooke well, and she knew Brooke cared a lot about her. What else would she have done? She would have known that Rachel wasn't here for long, and Brooke probably was just being nice.

Rachel smirked at how stupid she sounded, how weak and out of control. She wanted to laugh at the irony: countless guys slept with in her life, and when, finally, she completely lost her shit over someone, it was a girl. She could say with a measure of certainty that if she'd fallen for some random, painfully hot girl she met in a club somewhere, it wouldn't be such a big deal. Sure, she'd be surprised, but she would figure it out. But this was not just some beautiful girl who came out of nowhere. It was her roommate and best friend. It was Brooke Davis, of all people. Thinking about Brooke for five seconds made her fall apart at the seams, and that made her very uncomfortable. Rachel almost wished she could go back to being numb to these kinds of feelings, back to the days when she slept with male models, flirted with Mouth, and tried to love Cooper as much as she said she did.

Rachel sat up very suddenly. She heard keys in the front door, then the door opening—

Brooke stood a few feet away, looking like she'd just rushed here from the middle of the prom. Rachel was speechless, too surprised to see Brooke now. She figured Brooke would stay out for the rest of the night, but here she was, looking confused and a little upset. Her mouth opened as she tried to pair words with how she felt, and Rachel still felt frozen.

"What—the _hell_—was that?" Brooke finally managed to say, looking at Rachel with wide, shocked eyes.

Rachel was terrified at first. She wasn't ready to have this conversation, and she never wanted to be. But instinct quickly took over. Rachel laughed a little and looked at Brooke like she was crazy. "What was what?"

Now it was Brooke's turn to look at Rachel like she'd lost her mind. "You—you _kissed_ me! Twenty minutes ago, in the middle of the prom! You just walked in like nothing's different, and kissed me!"

"So? God, Brooke, calm down. It's not a big deal," Rachel said, laughing some more. "I felt like kissing you, so I did. That's it. It's not something to freak about. Go back to the prom. Jesus. See if you can't get Chase to make out with you or something."

She expected Brooke to yell, or scream in frustration, or maybe push the issue some more. That, she was prepared for. When Brooke dropped her purse on the floor and let her shoulders sag in utter defeat, it caught Rachel off guard. Brooke shook her head and looked at Rachel with imploring, distraught eyes. It was as thought she were silently begging Rachel for something else besides the usual protective wall of casual dismissal.

"Don't do this, Rachel. Not now," she said, and the hint of desperation was not lost on Rachel. Brooke glanced at the packed luggage. "Not when you're about to leave for god knows how long."

"Do what?" she said with a laughing smile and a raised eyebrow, but even she could feel the pressure to take down the wall still separating them.

All the quiet desperation was gone from her in a second. "How the fuck can you just—turn everything _off_, like nothing ever really means anything to you? One second, you're getting expelled for me, and the next, you're back to calling me a crazy bitch, and then you leave! Then, you come all the way back to crash the prom and _kiss_ me, and now you don't know what the hell I'm talking about! You act like we shook hands, for fuck's sake! Just for once in this incredibly screwed up and twisted relationship we have, I wish you would open your mouth and tell me what you're feeling." She moved closer to the couch, eyes never leaving Rachel's. "Rachel? Tell me how you feel."

Rachel could feel the color rising in her face, but she couldn't let go of the only defense she had. She still wanted to try and laugh it off, brush it away and make it not matter. "There's nothing to tell."

Brooke stared at Rachel for two seconds before roughly grabbing her by the arm and dragging her off the couch. She shoved the redhead against the wall of the living room and slapped her across the face once, but not too hard.

"Is that what you want, Rach? You want to fight like we used to? You want to scream at me and pull my hair and call me a bitch?" Brooke shouted at her, punctuating her questions with small shoves against Rachel's shoulder. "Or is it something else you want?"

Rachel shuddered as Brooke's hand slipped slowly from her shoulder and down her chest, brushing lightly over her left breast, then down her stomach and hip until Brooke's hand came to rest on the side of Rachel's thigh. Rachel felt utterly at a loss. No decision she could make would be the right one, and nothing she might say would make anything better. It would only be worse, much worse.

"Tell me what you want from me!" Brooke shouted again.

The blush deepened in Brooke's cheeks, and Rachel could feel quick warm breath on her face. Those lips, the mouth set with unhappy frustration, heaving chest underneath the prom dress, long, smooth curve of the neck, waist and hips mere inches away, and her hand, burning fingertips latched onto Rachel's thigh—it was enough to make anyone lose their mind. Rachel knew exactly what she wanted from Brooke, knew when and how and why, but she wasn't even supposed to be here. She was supposed to be on a plane, putting another high school and girls named Brooke behind her forever. She knew kissing Brooke was stupid, but it was supposed to be over, done, forgotten. Brooke was not supposed to be here, close and angry and warm, asking Rachel to destroy everything that still stood between them, everything that Rachel had built to defend herself against moments like this one.

It was too much, and Rachel felt the infuriating sting of tears. Finally, Brooke withdrew her hand from Rachel's leg, and backed off a step. Rachel was surprised to see that Brooke's eyes were filling with tears, too.

"I guess I thought maybe I meant more to you than this—some girl you just kiss and then leave standing there, like I'm nothing, like I didn't just share a room with you and get closer to you than anyone," Brooke said in the low, raspy voice just above a whisper that was so characteristic of her. "Well, fine. I'm used to being wrong, it happens all the time at school. But then you know that."

Brooke looked at her feet. "I have to go back to the prom. Maybe I will see if I can get Chase to make out with me. Have a nice life, Rachel."

Brooke was leaning down to pick up her purse from where she dropped it on the floor, and the finality of the moment struck Rachel at once. This would be the last time she would ever see Brooke. The girl would walk out, go back to the prom and find some guy to kiss and grope and maybe even fuck her pain away—and Rachel could see in every move, every tilt of Brooke's head, every glance, that she was in pain. Brooke was hurt, and Rachel knew it was all her fault.

"Oh, fuck it," Rachel muttered under her breath before grasping Brooke around the waist and pinning her against the wall. She ignored Brooke's squeak of surprise and protest and kissed her almost roughly, letting her hands roam unashamedly over the curves and soft expanses of skin she had coveted for months. Brooke's rigid body relaxed and came to life underneath her hands, and Rachel felt Brooke's mouth press harder against hers, lips parting, and suddenly Brooke's tongue was in her mouth, and Rachel gasped at the feeling of an insistent hand under her shirt. She could barely breathe, and Brooke was forcing her backward until the back of her legs hit the couch, and now Brooke was on top of her, straddling her, tangling hands into her hair and kissing her, and Rachel had never, ever in her life felt like this, like she might catch on fire at any second. It wasn't just the way Brooke's mouth on hers felt, or the weight of Brooke's body moving against her, on top of her, or the hands on her skin, tearing at her clothes—it wasn't just the hot, almost angry _need_ to be close to her with nothing between them. It was the fact that this was Brooke Davis, and Rachel knew from the beginning that it would never be just a kiss, just a touch, just sex with the two of them. Brooke was doing all the things that Rachel had secretly wanted her to for a long time, and the only running thoughts in Rachel's mind were _I want you I need you don't leave me don't leave me I want you I love you_—

She told Bevin in the bathroom that she never felt anything with the guys she was with. Now, holding Brooke close under a blanket on the couch, she knew this wasn't what it was like to feel _something_. This was what it was like to feel _everything_.


End file.
